Closure

There was a time, a long time ago, in a faraway land, that I fell in love. I was just happily, madly, utterly in love, and there was so much happiness, joy, laughter. There was much rejoicing. The times we had together was just …special and magical. Next thing you know, SHUT! Game Over. Gone. Dead. Completely cut off. Disconnected.

The memories are still fresh in my mind. The moments, the feeling…But I can't get it back. I may spend my entire life trying to get back into that Polariod; fighting all the way. But to no avail. Our relationship was the best I have ever had. Even now, years later, anytime I come close to it, I want to dive in. Sink or swim, I don't care.

I would give anything to be even in “the room” next to it; across the street, a breath away.. reminiscing and remembering what I never let myself forget. To look into his eyes and knowing; another time, another place, he will be there; standing right in front of me…within grasps. And I will hold him tight and never let go. Never ever.... I fought hard, but only with myself.

There were nights I cried. When we were together, him driving me home, I cried. Not because I was sad, or missing him, but because I was happy. Just so happy I couldn't contain myself. I couldn't believe it was real. Was it real? Have you ever wondered, have you ever asked yourself? There was this feeling..this trembling, completeness. The warmth that made everything seemed big.. Everyone seemed to be looking at you. You were the one. But not anymore..it is all gone. And it will never be there again.

I still see little pieces of you everywhere; a glance, a smile, a touch….The years away from you saw me counting the petals on daisies, he still loves me..he loves me not..he still loves me…HE STILL LOVES ME..I wish it was so..After 18 year, today, I am finally ready to accept that it is over..There is a need for closure..for the both of us. It is time, and I need to make this effort..Though our time together was brief; it was effortless and it was filled with love. Thank you, for allowing me into your life and for sharing your life with me.


If you ever see/read this, you will know it is by me. Our story was probably meant to be a tragic love story. Continue smiling, though it will never be for me. I’m glad that this ‘burden’ is finally out of me and hopefully, I am ready for a closure.. Goodbye, DB..


“There is nothing in the world so wonderful as to love and be loved; there is nothing so devastating as love lost.”

Sambungan - My Wacko Cracko Sisters

Oopss...now this is what haappens when you think you are smart, when you know for a fact you are NOT! hahahaha... I saved the draft, thinking that i would continue the cerita karut today, only to find out that I had actually posted it!! HAIYAAAAAAA....................

Anyhoots, where was I.....hmmmm...Ah yes, the poodle do.

Well, her poodle-y do weren't as bad as Gee's on her wedding day! ahahahahahahahahaha....who can forget (though she had incinerated all evidence many moons ago!) the poodle bangs with the the skunk nose make up! Gee is crack sister; the crackiest of all...She was born with too many screws missing up there....She would have made the perfect Stepford Wife...hahahahahahahaha.

Growing up with her as a sister was not easy, believe me...She hated my guts, I hated her tai-tai, dragon-like behaviour. I was told that on the day I was brought home from the hospital, she stood next to the crib (with her 'Damien' face) and gave me one hella a pelempang; right smack on my face! Thus began the rivalry...which went on till the day she gave birth to my niece, Intan. I guess being a mother (and not forgetting old, huh!) sorta gave her amnesia and all were forgotten..

Being the rebellious one, I was quite a handful I would say...but they have always stood by me, through thick and thin. We have learnt to live with our flaws and imperfections; and they have come to terms with the fact that I am, in fact, the beautiful ONE!

When I left PJ, they were the ones who waited for me at mak's with open arms, with undivided love. Ida and Gee, thank you for being great sisters...you guys may be the crackiest crack of all cracks ( and not forgetting less beautiful), I am just very grateful that I have you as my sisters..

Sisters Heart to Heart
By Joanna Fuchs

From the time that we were little,I knew you’d always be

Not just loving sisters

But a caring friend to me.
A shoulder I could cry on,

A helping hand in times of need,

A cheerleader to lift me up, (ermmmm.....i think not)

My angel in both word and deed.

We told each other secrets;

We giggled and we cried.

We shared our joys and sorrows--

We were always side by side.

We have a very special bond;

I knew it from the start.

You’ll have my love forever--

We’re sisters, heart to heart.

My Wacko Cracko Sisters

I am blessed with three beautiful sisters....well, two...(one is a major psycho): Ida (the one in red) and Gee (the one with the 'serombong keretapi' nose! hahahahaha).

Ida, who is in her 40s (and sooo in denial) is a mother to three beautiful girls (my 'daughters' before i actually, physically gave birth to my own daughter). She has been married for yonks but somehow managed to retain her youth all these years (damn it! she is the only one who has mak's genes!) Ida married abang Shahrin back in 80s where the eyes were made up with a splat of blue or green onto the eyelids and the poodle hairdo was in...

What a Year..2008

Alhamdullillah...the new year is finally here..It has been two days since I am back behind the desk; playing 'busy' and continue to fool others with the tapping of the keyboard keys. I was away for over a week; I just needed the break to lay back and relax with mak and saadiah. What was supposed to be a six-day-break extended to a ten glorious, hassle-free, cuti-cuti malaysia..

I decided to head back to chemor for the christmas break and head back again to kl for new years since all the bosses were away (and I do mean ALL BOSSES) and we had the whole office to ourselves! (woo hoo...imagine the hours spent on YM/IM, Limewir-ing, playing games, shopping at IKEA, God, the list just never ends). A break from the city was all I needed; away from TTDI, away from home, away from people...just away, away..

I have not had an away away getaway for a long, long time...since I got married in 2005. Let's see:- Got married, slogged behind the dapur at the shop right after the wedding, worked in a hotel, jumped to Prestige Communications, got pregnant, still had to work to pay off my maternity check-up bills and baby stuff, gave birth, joined MAVTRAC, continued working, getting a divorce, moved back to melawati, went for counseling, Deva got married..........
ARGGGHHHH...it was just too much to swallow! I had to get away - and the perfect getaway with no extra money to pay, good food, plenty of love and care - CHEMOR!!

Hence, began our road trip back to my kampung. Got the car loaded with food for saadiah, chocolate for mak (hey, it was supposed to be a road-trip, where you are supposed to enjoy the beautiful sights and nature! And there is a baby on board...Plus a lot of roadblocks maaaa...so, must drive at 80kmph) Amazingly, we got to Ipoh after 2.5 hours on the road. No singgah2 at mak's favourite R&R as Asu had cooked up a whole load of food enough for the kampung for us to savour.

The following days were just relaxing and bumming around at home, watching TV (yup, we actually sat and watch TV diligently since our TV back home has been out of service since yonks! We were living like cavewomen!) We made a trip down to Teluk Batik, Lumut, where Saadiah had her first go at swimming (in her tiny swimsuit) for a good half hour. Then, both Saadiah and I got the stomach flu - everything in our stomach 'flu' out for a good two days! I felt as though I was auditioning for Linda Blair's part in The Return of the Exorcista. We went jagung shopping at the road stall along Jalan Jelapang...and bought jagung enough to get your body all fibred down for a whole month. I did learn a new trick on how to boil fresh jagung from kak seh - to add some salt and sugar into the boiling water and leave it to boil further for 15 mins. I dreaded the day when we had to leave Chemor; I was just not ready to face the city, to go back behind the desk at work! But the dream about my boss, En Zul failing me at my appraisal, gave me a scare that we finally left on Saturday, 3rd January 2009 - coming back to reality.

2008 was just not the year for me... a lot of turbulence; at home, at work, financially, mentally. I am just glad that that particular chapter/year is OVER! Finito...The end!! Goodbye to sleeping alone, goodbye to heartaches, goodbye to suppressed emptiness, goodbye to sad memories...HELLO to newly found life, hello to happiness, hello to 2009!

Guess who is who?

Living Life

Wow..it has been quite some time since i last scribbled my thoughts onto my so called blog..hahaha.. this is what us melayu would call 'hangat-hangat taik ayam' (hot-hot chicken shit!!)

been quite busy since i started my duties as the communications person at this new organization - very high expectations with too little time....sounds familiar right?

the past month had been horrendous - with deadlines for the company's 'inaugural' newsletter, training (i actually got a cert for just being me - which was LOUD!), organizing trainings for the upcoming sports carnival (i just don't know what i was thinking), and the list just goes on. On top of that, my mini me came down with fever, which later progressed to measles. came to a point where the measles got pretty bad that it looked as though she had gone through a botchy botox treatment! but to top it all of, my case hearing (the case where i was kicked out of one melayu publishing co. and i had filed a case against them) had been postponed AGAIN! i was told by my lawyer that they are now threatening me with a CBT charge; should i proceed with the case at the Industrial Court. what the fish head curry! I got kicked out without being paid a penny, and now I am the bad guy who apparently made millions from the company. No wonder my life is sorta like pretty made out kan kononnya??

anyhoots, life still goes on. It may not be perfect; I am still slogging to make ends meet, but I m just grateful that I still have a life. So, what the heck, I will live it!

2008/01/29
Pioneering journalist dies

Felix Abisheganaden was a charming and gregarious man
KUALA LUMPUR: Veteran journalist Felix Abisheganaden died yesterday following a long illness at the age of 85.
His wife, Ivy, and other members of his family were at his bedside in Sunway Medical Centre. Felix, a former news editor of the New Straits Times, was a man who loved life and lived it to the fullest."He would never sit still, he was always doing something," said his eldest child, Doris, at their family home in Shah Alam.A charming and gregarious man, his daughter said her father was constantly smiling.
"You would never see him down in the mouth. If he was upset, we never knew it."Even in the hospital, no matter how bad his condition was, he would tell his children, "I'm fine. Everything will be all right."In fact, said Doris, her father was constantly pulling the doctors' legs and "annoying" the nurses.Felix's sense of humour was much reflected in his children, who despite the tears in their eyes, laughed constantly while talking about their father.Youngest son Gerard, a musician, described his father as a generous person, always willing to share his time and energy."I have never seen him turn away anybody who sought his help." "He was kind to anyone who crossed his path and he always put others before himself," said son-in-law K.C. Boey, a former editor of The Malay Mail.Encouraging and supportive, Felix's house had motivational posters on every wall, next to the many pictures of his family and friends."That was my father all over. He believed in motivation and would give every one a chance," said Doris.Felix had a heart bypass in 1997 and was in good health until knee surgery last year, followed by other ailments in recent months. He was also talented in music. He played the banjo and saxaphone.In his younger days in Singapore, he was in a harmonica band.The siblings remembered many parties thrown by their "party animal" father, which always ended in "a serious sing-along session"."Even the parties were just a manifestation of his kind heart and generous nature. He wanted to make people happy," said Boey.Felix had always told the family that when he died, he did not want people to mourn for him."Instead he would say, 'Have a party. Celebrate my life'," said Doris.The casket will be placed in St Paul's Church in Jalan Utara, Petaling Jaya, from noon to 2pm tomorrow. Funeral service will start at 2pm and the cortege will leave for the Cheras Crematorium at 3.30pm.