Friday, 30 October 2009
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Soon, the weekend overnights became a fortnightly affair...then it became a monthly thingy. He blamed it on work and travelling (don't they all) and promised he would make it up when things got better. It never did.
One evening, he came and said that we needed to talk. He told me that he was going back to his wife again; giving their marriage another shot. I felt numb while he packed his stuff and left. I didn't take any of his calls or sms-es anymore after that night. Till one day, after about a year.
I decided to contact him again - gatal! But then again, I had moved on; I have moved out of Sunway, I was dating another fella (Sha hates him), so I thought why not..Big Mistake!!
Next thing I knew, I was busy 'scheduling' schedules so that the two didn't bump into each other. Even the guards were confused! I was such a slut!!
Things went on and got pretty 'heated' till one day he told me that his wife was pregnant. Then it struck me - I have to put a stop to all this.
ON MY OWN
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
After one hefty lunch on a long, Friday lunch break few weeks ago, I took the the babes from the third floor to the Driving School/centre. I enrolled for four classes, to brush up on my driving (manual ok?) slope, side park (with poles and all) and the routes for the On-The-Road Test. I also laid down my terms (ceh wah!) :-
The following days were filled with encouragement and jeer from work collegues and friends. Them buggers! (Never forget for the world is round..) Come Friday, I was all nervous and panicky - thousands of 'What ifs' were going around and round in my head. "What if the car slides down the slope?" "What if the car halts in the middle of road?" What if ..what if ..what if.. arrrgggghhhhhh!
At 3.00pm, I started phrasing on my 'curi tulang' line - should I say, "I am not feeling well" , or "My mum is not well," or "My daughter hasn't stop crying" or "My car needs to be fixed", etc, etc, etc..
Kancil oh Kancil
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
The days after my marriage were filled with pressures from all to get pregnant. The bastard, mak, the bastard's parents, the bomoh cronies - practically everyone! It came to a point where I was accused of not wanting to be pregnant by popping pills!! (Some people, like the bastard for instance, was born to be stupid. He played with coconuts with he was little!)
Firstly, thanks to my voluptuous and perky boobies, someone's head got the dodging at the counter. I was trying so hard not to look at the bastard that I didnt realise someone was actually there at the counter. Damn! Then, of course there was the panic-pee attack. Out of the blue, I just had to pee. The urge was so overwhelming that I went straight into the men's toilet! When I went it, the ustaz thought that Sha was my daughter! O dear God!
The session started with him stating his claims; he wanted Saadiah 3 days a week, but full custody will be given to me. Huh... in his dreams! And he went on and on, rambling on the fact that he hasn’t seen her and that Saadiah doesn’t know him, blah, blah, blah…Susah susah die menyusun hujaj-hujah yang pada dia was probably the most intelligent dialogue he has ever had in his entire life!
I told the officer that I have never stopped him from seeing Saadiah; our door is always open. But he failed to do so. If he truly misses Saadiah, he would have waited at his sister’s place whenever Saadiah and I come over. But no, he would just drop his mum and the maids at the gate and speed away!
I also said that I don’t see the logic of her sleeping over as he is never home. (especially now with the new girl). He has never been home. It was always some berubat session or some tanam-di-tepi-pantai rendezvous with the bomoh crony.
Monday, 25 May 2009
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Thursday, 29 January 2009
I’m a single again… and that is now a fact.
I’m very happy….and that is another fact, too.
I can safely say, I have never felt this liberated in my entire 38 years and some months of my life..At this point of time, I just feel that there is no, one-thing that I cannot do..anytime, anywhere, anyhow...No more having to sms or calling that particular someone to seek an A-ok to go wherever, whenever, with whomever and for what-so-ever..and that my dear friends is what I call freedom.
Being all 38 and single again has driven me into a whole new chapter in my life that I never knew existed before. Yes, I have grown older, birthed a beautiful daughter and all praise to the Almighty, I somehow had wisened up!
Things are just not the same anymore. Now, at this point of time in life and at this age, I am beginning to enjoy life more. I have stopped thinking about those who have made me emotionally weak, defeated, useless and abandoned. No one can now make me feel sad, no one can tell me I am fat and ugly. Three months ago, I was just another person with blue circumstances..A playful jeer would have gotten me all teary. And that sucked! Enough of crying, enough with sadness.. ENOUGH!!.
Yesterday, the 28TH of JANUARY 2009, I finally told myself that I want to get the blue-y tracks out of my life..it is time for me to love life and live life…No more having to go through the pain of feeling unwanted, unloved. The pain became more evident during my three year marriage. The way he treated me, the words that were ‘thrown’ at me; constantly piercing deep in the heart, and finally leaving it to die with much pain. The pain and this bitter feeling of being left alone, abandoned in the dark was just too much for anyone to handle…ENOUGH!
Liberty came knocking on my door yesterday after the morning hearing at the Syariah Court. It was just an out of the world experience; to be able to smile without a reason, to be able to walk with my head high in the sky..to be able to breathe again without choking on my salty tears.. The gloomy days are over.. I am a new person.. a new positive person. And I don’t have to be in a relationship to be positive and happy and that is for sure for I am the living prove. I am again single and I am just very happy!
Manifestation of My Heart
Stories from within, voices from my heart, cries from my soul, laughter to the core..